Accepting What We Have
by d5tribute
Summary: Christina's POV when she helps Tobias realize that erasing all the memories he has is not the right thing to do. Chapter 56 in Allegiant.


Chapter 56 – pg (504-508) – Allegiant – Originally in Tobias' POV

**Christina's POV**

Lately I've been distancing myself from everyone since Tris' death. I walk around the streets of Abnegation, looking at the stuff left behind after the war had finished. As I'm walking around, I see an open door and a familiar figure pass by, just a shadow. I stop and quietly step inside, only to see Tobias standing down in the hall by himself.

For a minute, I stay leaning against the doorframe observing him, getting lost in his own thoughts as he just stares out of the dusty window. For a while, I start to get lost in my own thoughts as well and I think of when I first met Tris, and how she helped me jump off the train, so brave. I no longer remember her as a shy, abnegation girl, but as someone who burns so brightly in my memory, and is there to stay. Soon, I snap out of my thoughts as it is just making me sad, and I stand on the opposite side of him at the end of the dark hallway.

"Matthew told me you stole some of the memory serum and a truck," His head moves to the side a little, and I can tell he has just snapped out of his thoughts.

I add on, "I have to say, I didn't really believe him."

He looks over at me and stares for a few seconds, then with a hint of annoyance in his voice say,** "**Then why did you come, if you didn't believe him?"

I slowly walk closer to him, afraid of what his intentions are for stealing the memory serum. The memory serum is a serum that once injected, makes you forget every memory you have ever had. Almost like you are a completely different person, and the thought that he has it makes me shiver.

"Just in case," I say "Plus, I wanted to see the city one more time before it all changes. Give me that vial, Tobias."

He holds his fingers around the serum, hiding it from my view. He has a crazy look in his eyes.

"No, this is my decision, not yours" He says.

I take another step closer, the sun shining on my hair from the window.

"This is not your decision," I say. "This is the decision of a coward, and you're a lot of things, Four, but not a coward. Never."

He takes a deep breath and looks at me with a face full of peace now. "Maybe I am now," He pauses and continues "Things have changed. I'm all right with it."

I roll my eyes, amazed at how Tobias has changed since Tris' death. "No you're not"

I go on, speaking quietly now, "You can't become the person she would hate. And she would have hated this."

His eyes widen and I knew at that moment I have just broken him with that statement. I feel as if I am being harsh, but I am only trying to help him find himself again. This isn't the real Tobias.

"Shut up!" He almost sounds childish, but I can tell he is upset with me. "Shut up! You don't know what she would hate; you didn't know her, you-"

"I know enough!" I snap, cutting his words full of nonsense off, "I know she wouldn't want you to erase her from your memory like she didn't even matter to you!"

Before I even finish my last word, he lunges at me and pins my shoulders to the wall with his hands, leaning in close to my face. I feel as if I can hear his heart beating, his soul crying. But maybe that is my own.

"If you _dare_ suggest that again," He says, unsure, "I'll-"

"You'll what?" I shove him back with all my strength and try to stand up straight again. He flinches and stumbles back a little, looking over at me.

"Hurt me? You know, there's a word for big, strong men who attack women, and its _coward_."

He looks away and I keep my eyes locked on him, his breath steadying and I see he is lost in his thoughts again, alone.

"I'm sorry." He says once he looks back my way.

"I know," We stand still for a few seconds, just looking at each other. I remember disliking his attitude when I first met him, picking on me because I was from Candor. Over time though, I realized that the rude trainer I once thought he was is not really who he is, but someone who is caring for others.

"I know how it feels for someone you love to get killed for no reason, and to want to trade all your memories of them for just a moment's peace." I take a deep breath, thinking of my own words of advice I have just given him. I see Wills' smile flash across my eyes and I wrap my hand around Tobias', which is wrapped around the vial.

"I didn't know Will long, but he changed my life. He changed _me_. And I know Tris changed you even more" I think of the memories I hold so dear to me, his blonde hair glistening in the sun and the sweet things he'd say to me.

I soften up a little and touch his shoulders lightly. "The person you became with her is worth being, and if you swallow that serum, you'll never be able to find your way back to him."

I look away for a bit when I see the first tear stream down his cheek, and I wrap my arms around him, not saying anything as I help him stand upright.

Soon, he pulls away, but I keep my hands on his shoulders letting him know I'll always be there for him, because I know what it is like to lose a loved one.

He opens his eyes and offers me the vial, and I am filled with relief as I take it and put it in my pocket.

"I know Zeke's still weird around you," I say, swinging an arm across his shoulders. "But I can be your friend in the meantime. We can even exchange bracelets if you want, like the Amity girls used to."

We walk down the stairs and outside onto the empty street together, the sun setting behind the buildings of Chicago.

"I don't think that will be necessary."

And by the tone in his voice, I know everything will be all right.

**Thank you guys for reading this! **


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